Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
