He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize