We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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