It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
