YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
