My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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