I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
