alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
