That's intense
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
