I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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