The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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