I wanna passion pit in your ass
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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