I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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