I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
