how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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