I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
