the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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