omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
