he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
