I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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