cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cannot find my penis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
my poor anus
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
