update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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