And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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