It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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