I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
