I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
