Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
