Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
