Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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