i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
