someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
