I wanna bring you to show and tell
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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