Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
