he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
