how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
