Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
