So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
