Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
