Whod you bang
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
