did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
