I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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