He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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