I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
