Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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