New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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