whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
