So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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