i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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