I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize