Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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