Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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