Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
