He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I touched a dick in church today
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
