Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
pop tarts are not kleenex
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
