john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All the doctor said was why
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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