Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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