he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize