My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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