I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
