Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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