The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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