Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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