She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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