Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
