Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
