Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
