I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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