the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
