"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
